we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
