it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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