Duck Duck Cougar?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
