Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
