i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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