It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Two words: nipple clamps
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