Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
