This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
