I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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