I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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