so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
