Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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