Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
