my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
