I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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