I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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