remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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