My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
