were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
