Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
