totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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