Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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