Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
