he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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