please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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