I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
