His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize