8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
