i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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