God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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