I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
