no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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