It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
