You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
