Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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