it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
