Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
