Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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