You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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