just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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