I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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