I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
