Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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