all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
