why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
