that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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