she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
