how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I sprained my soul last night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
