I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
