Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
