found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
