I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
