just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize