im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
