I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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