Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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