Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dignity is for republicans.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
