3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
