omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
