All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
