a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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