I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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